so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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