I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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