You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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