Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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