We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
