Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
