If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
