thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
