You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
