So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
