Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
