I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
