apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
