I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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