Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
