There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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