Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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