his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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