Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
