dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
