If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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