I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
