If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
