Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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