Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Semen is not good for contacts.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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