I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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