im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
