The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
