Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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