Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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