There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
