We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
