Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
