god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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