It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
