I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
