Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
