dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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