after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
