DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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