And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
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