So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
they're like a gay fantastic four
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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