proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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