i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
