wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
