Already got asked if we're dating
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
