omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
