i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
