That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
