Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
