I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
