nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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